The Beauty of Restoration

Has it really been almost 3 years since I have written a blog? A blog that no one asked for at that. It has! Life has changed so much since June/July of 2021. We've seen highs; we've experienced lows. Unfortunately, wars have started. On the other hand, wars have ended. People were born. Sadly, many people have died. In spite of all of the pain and sorrow many of us have faced, there is still beauty among the ruins.

In August of 2022, I lost my husband in a tragic and unexpected car wreck. To say life was flipped upside down would be an understatement. It was completely crumbled. Any illusions of a future with him in it were destroyed in a matter of seconds from the impact of a head-on-collision.

I cannot begin to describe the pain and anguish of those first days, weeks, and months. Have you ever heard of mom brain? Did you know there was such a thing of widow brain. Every day felt like I was living in a dense fog that I could feel in every tangible and intangible way. Navigating the loss, helping my children navigate the loss of their daddy, then trying to adjust to a bitter "new normal" was onerous. I was a 34 year old widow with 3 very young kids. What in the world was I to do?

Now it has been almost 18 months since the day it felt like my world had ended. The sun has started shining brighter and brighter. The dense and tangible fog has lifted. Even when it creeps into the day on occasion, it feels like a gentle mist, serving as a sweet reminder of the Lord's faithfulness, rather than a bitter pang. It took a lot of hard days, weeping until I could weep no more, counseling, and letting go to get to this place in my life.

How did I manage those early days? I honestly do not fully know. I suppose that is the absolute beauty of our God! So many days, I would cry. Whether it would be through the gentle reminder from a friend, a hug from an unexpected person, or the laughter of my children, the Lord broke through my deepest sorrows and pulled me out.

I am reminded of Job a lot, especially since all of this transpired (and pastor has also preached on him recently). Job was a servant of God, who was blameless and upright before the Lord. He feared the Lord! And in a matter of a chapter he loses everything! What was everything? He owned 11,000 different livestock animals, had many servants, and 10 children. Of course, he also had his health as well. Yet, in an instance, through robbery, death, and sickness, everything he had was gone.

I cannot pretend to compare myself to Job, because the Lord knows I have not been blameless. In fact, I spent a few years running out of hurt and disappointment. I made foolish mistakes. But Job, this blameless man, who Satan even identified to be so, lost it all. And on top of that, his wife told him to curse God and die. What a great wife she was! Yet, he would not do so. In his loss, in his physical anguish, even when he questioned, he still remained blameless in the eyes of the Lord.

At the end of the book, you see that the Lord restores his fortunes and then some! His livestock, his servants, and even more children were born to him. The Lord restored all of it back to Job. I don't know about you, but I would have asked God, "What is the world? What was this all for?" Because it kind of feels like a waste of pain. Like Job, there were days where I wish I hadn't been born out of the sheer pain I was carrying. However, I like to think that God sees the bigger picture (yes, I know He does as a matter-of-fact).

How does this relate to the beauty of restoration? Job lost everything; well he lost everything except for that not-so-helpful wife and at times friends. Yet, there is something beautiful in the restoration that takes place, even through the very things that we suffer through. Potters will take the broken pottery, crush it up, put it into new clay to make something beautiful again. I think the Lord allows that to happen to us.

I can speak for no one else but myself. The things that the Lord has restored in my heart and my life, in spite of the tragedy of losing my husband, have been beyond what I could fathom. They aren't tactile things like a home, clothing, and/or "stuff." Truth be told, I lost most of my worldly possessions after he died (stinking thieves). Nope, it is something more intangible, far more costly than "stuff." He restored the joy of my salvation (go check out Psalms 51), the desire for His word (Psalms 119:11 is another good read), my hope, purpose and calling, and honestly more than I can to share in this already long-drawn-out blog. On the daily, He is refining me with such a hot refiner's fire that He is leaving nothing untouched that is not of Him.

Is it painful to see the broken pieces, the broken dreams, the hurt that I've carried for far too long? I'd probably be an alien if I said no. Of course it is painful! However, in spite of all the brokeness, I am finding beauty in the restoration. Why? Because I am seeing how He is rebuilding me to be who He has called me to be, who He sees me to be, and restoring me to who He knows me to be. He is the great restorer.

If you stayed this far, then thank you! And if you didn't, you won't see this anyways. I hope this encourages you today. In spite of the pain, sorrow, and brokenness you face, the Lord is in the (as the old pastors I grew up with) restoring business. The Lord is good; the Lord is faithful!