Does He Really Care?

If I am being honest, this week has been an emotional mess. I am tired. It is not a kind of tired you can just sleep away. If you know me in real life, I tend to say that a lot. Working on correcting that mentally, but it really has been true this week. One of the things about being a solo mom, you don't get to "tap" out and let someone "tap" in when things "get hairy". Let me note, I am not complaining. This is life; this is my reality.

Yesterday and today were battles with the younger Marais's wills and attitudes. By the time bedtime came around, having to delve out discipline for lying over who drew all over the sink, I was just done. I knew if I didn't get out of the house, even for 10 minutes, I had the potential to react in a way that was completely against my values and convictions. Once I got the kids settled, I went for a drive (no they were not left alone, my dad and mom were in the house).

My drive took me to the spot I keep going to when life "gets heavy," the walking park. No one is ever there; I can finally hear myself think. Honestly, I had a bone to pick with the Lord. Are we allowed to pick those with Him? I'd like to think we can, because He already knows how we feel already. Of course, respectfully and reverently, because He is still worthy of that kind of response.

After having a good cry, pouring out my grievances to Him, I just sat in the car. Not ready to return, not ready to go. As I was continuing to pray, I told the Lord I knew He is enough for me, but I am just tired. It would be nice to have some "Jesus in the flesh" to help with bedtime, bathtime, or when things just get hairy. Crying and asking the Lord, did He really care about me? Did He see the level of stress, carrying the load of two as one person? Did He see all the changes I have been making? Did He care about how I am trying to "get my house in order?"

Of course He cares; I know He sees me. But I just needed something tonight, some kind of reassurance. I was tired, I was worried I would screw up my kids, I was worried I would not have what I needed to get through these normal bumps as a solo mom. Eventually, I decided it was time to make my short journey home. And like the gentleman He is, the Holy Spirit spoke in that still, small voice.

"When you are about to blow your top, I am there to offer you peace. When you are tempted to react in a way that breaks your heart, I am there to help you have self-control. When you feel like you cannot do another bath and bedtime alone, I am there to be your strength. Everything you need, I have equipped you with. When you are lacking, I make up the difference, because I am the difference"

Talk about a holy moment. Talk about meeting me where I needed to be met. The Lord does care. The Lord does see.

It kind of reminds me of the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4). This woman off lower class, encountered Jesus one day. Jesus, a Jew, was "supposed" to have nothing to do with her according to the societal norm of the day. Yet, here He was, asking her for a drink of water. There at that well, they have a life-changing exchange of words. This woman encountered the Messiah who told her the truth about her situation, but also gave her hope because of who He was and what He would eventually accomplish.

He saw her; He saw the way she was living. And in spite of her social standing, her ethnicity, and being an outcast, He cared enough to reveal who He was to her. Jesus alone, could meet her needs. Jesus alone could offer her everything she was in need of, that living water. He cared about her soul.

Maybe you are finding it hard to believe Jesus sees you. Maybe you are finding it hard to believe that He truly gives you what you need. But the fact-of-the-matter is that He is sufficient; He is able to meet every one of your needs (mental, spiritual, emotional, etc). Maybe you are worried He will not provide peace, the patience, etc. I love what Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12: 9 (after diving into a short discourse about a thorn in his flesh): "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

God's grace for us is abundant. When our anger wants to rear its ugly head, He is there, able to give us His peace. When our souls or bodies are weary, He is there to give us strength. He fills in all the gaps, all the holes if we will allow Him, if we will rely and depend on Him. He is trustworthy. He cares. He sees.

I leave you with this last portion of scripture for you to read and mediate one. Matthew 6:26-- "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Again, He cares. He sees. No need to worry.